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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27615743">love like you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcvegiyuu/pseuds/lcvegiyuu'>lcvegiyuu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Character Death, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Suicide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:08:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27615743</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcvegiyuu/pseuds/lcvegiyuu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>- if i could begin to be<br/>half of what you think of me</p><p>. . .</p><p>( ! ) trigger warnings: suicide, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self harm, alcohol abuse, domestic abuse, etc.<br/>where bokuto is akaashi's new neighbour, and it's the typical 'love at first sight' for bokuto. while akaashi just wants to die.</p><p>and i suck at writing summaries.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Side: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Side: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Side: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>if you came for fluff, you’re at the wrong place 😋 it's mostly angst so... proceed with caution ! i’ll put a trigger warning before every chapter so that you’ll have a general idea on which chapter to avoid , and there’s suicide hotlines at the end of every chapter if you need it. also , note that they’re all aged up , so they’re in college. their age gaps all remain the same though! there’s also song recommendations at the start of every chapter , so if you wanted you can listen to it while reading :) the vibes of some of the songs may not fit , but it’s really the lyrics that i’m looking at. so sorry if it’s a sad chapter and i recommended a vibey song. anyways ! that’s about it , so... enjoy this story !</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>no trigger warnings this chapter ! we're starting off light , so enjoy this chapter :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Recommendation: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/45S5WTQEGOB1VHr1Q4FuPl?si=Eyouty22SR-Ff6jGgvTFPg">Golden by Harry Styles</a></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Absolutely. Fucking. Great. </em>
</p><p>Letting out a shaky breath, Akaashi furiously wiped his tears off his face. He heard more knocking on the door as he let out a groan, finally deciding to muster the energy to get out of bed.</p><p>”Coming!” he managed to call out as he attempted to flatten his disheveled hair, running his fingers through his black locks. The attempt was futile, though. He hadn't brushed his hair in way too long for it to become neat again.</p><p>As he opened the door, he was met with a man standing by the door, looking embarrassed while holding a box. He rubbed his eyes, attempting to get a clearer view of the man in front of him.</p><p>As his vision cleared, he saw a man who seemed to be a few centimetres taller than him. He had spiky white hair, though nearing his roots, there were streaks of black hair. But the most striking thing about the man was his eyes. They were large and golden - a rare colour that Akaashi had never seen before. Furrowing his eyebrows, Akaashi blinked at the stranger.</p><p>“Oh, um... I’m your new neighbour!” he said after a moment of plain staring. Probably noticing the confused look on Akaashi's face, his neighbour thrust out the box as Akaashi took a step back in shock.</p><p>“Shit, sorry,” his neighbour muttered as he scratched his nape in embarrassment. Offering the box to Akaashi in a gentler manner, he continued, “I just moved in, so I thought it would be polite of me to offer these to you. They’re just cookies though, don’t worry.”</p><p>”But it’s okay if you don’t want to accept them!” He seemed to momentarily panic. He bit his lips, shuffling his feet as he awaited an answer from Akaashi.</p><p>“Thank you,” Akaashi gave a small smile - or at least tried his best to - as he took the box of cookies from Bokuto’s hands. ”Akaashi Keiji,” he continued.</p><p>“Shit, sorry I didn’t introduce myself!” he was now in a frenzy, “I’m Bokuto Koutarou.”</p><p>“Thank you for the cookies, Bokuto-san,” he paused, “Now, I need to get back to my work.” Taking ahold of the doorknob, he glanced back at Bokuto.</p><p>“Hope to see you again, Akaashi!” Bokuto exclaimed as Akaashi gave him a small nod, and Bokuto was met with a door closing on his face.</p><p>Letting out a breath didn’t even know he was holding, Akaashi leaned against the door, pinching the bridge of his nose. He forgot how tiring socialising was. Pushing his thoughts aside, he trudged back to his bed, collapsing onto it. He just wanted to sleep forever. However, it has reached the final week of his winter break, and then he’d have to go back to school again. </p><p>Groaning, he tossed and turned in his bed, his body seeming unwilling to go back to bed. Frustrated, he sat back up, grabbing his phone as he scrolled through his texts. There weren’t many in the first place, considering the only ones that contacted him were Suga and Oikawa, and occasionally Daisuke - but that was rare, which was odd, considering that Daisuke was his boyfriend. Nothing he wasn’t used to though.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">groupchat</span>
</p><p>oikawa<em>: </em>keiji-chan~ (^０^)ノ</p><p>akaashi: what do you want, oikawa</p><p>oikawa: what? how dare you accuse me (╥_╥)</p><p>akaashi: so? what is it?</p><p>suga: well... we’re downstairs your apartment block...</p><p>akaashi: what? i thought i asked both of you not to come</p><p>oikawa: too late! unless you want our 15 minutes of walking to go to waste (&gt;ω^)</p><p>akaashi: i’d like that please</p><p>suga: akaashi!</p><p>oikawa: |･д･)ﾉ</p><p>akaashi: dang it. fine, you know the passcode anyways.</p><p> </p><p>Groaning at his friend’s antics, he fell back down onto his bed. Suga and Oikawa were his best friends, and perhaps his only friends too. Them meeting was an accident, really. He just happened to stumble onto them making out, and somehow, he got pulled into the friend group, making the duo a trio now. Suga and Oikawa were obviously much closer to each other, considering that they were not only neighbours - they lived in the apartment block on the other side of the campus, but also childhood best friends, and were in the same major. It basically made them inseparable. And honestly? Akaashi felt out of place sometimes. They both treated him like family though, which definitely made him feel better about the situation. The most surprising thing to Akaashi was how they weren't dating. He thought so at first - considering that he caught them eating each other faces, but he learned that they were just friends with benefits back then. It continued on until Suga had a boyfriend, and Oikawa was chasing after this man called 'Iwa-chan'.</p><p>He was thankful he had such good friends like them, honestly. Sometimes, Suga pried too much, and Oikawa could be an egotistical bastard, but he couldn’t ask for better friends.</p><p>The creaking open of his front door caught him off guard as he frowned, burying himself further into his blanket, not willing to deal with visitors.</p><p>”Now, what do we have here?” He could hear the brown-haired man say.</p><p>”It’s a mess here, Keiji,” Suga stated, and even without seeing his face, Akaashi knew he had a frown on it</p><p>"Try telling that to someone whose mum didn't die merely 2 weeks ago,” he snapped. The room immediately went silent as Akaashi mentally cursed himself, yet slowly peaking out of his blanket. Now, not only Suga, but Oikawa's face was plastered with a frown too.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Akaashi apologised, “I shouldn’t have.”</p><p>Suga waved it off as Oikawa stepped towards Akaashi, attempting to drag Akaashi out of bed. It was a feeble attempt at that, considering that Akaashi stayed rooted in his bed. Oikawa sighed, letting him be for now.</p><p>”When was the last time you ate?” Suga asked, wandering around the house, occasionally scrunching his nose in disgust. Made sense - considering that his house basically looked like a garbage dump. There were piles of unwashed clothes around, scattered books, broken glass pieces, and even bottles of alcohol toppled over by the sofa. </p><p>“Maybe 2 days ago...” Akaashi muttered, hiding under his blanket again. He certainly didn’t want to be the recipient of Suga’s wrath. Letting out another sigh, Suga headed towards the kitchen. </p><p>“Go back to bed,” Suga said, “We’ll help pack up the house, and I’ll make you some food,” he glanced over at Akaashi, who had a look of protest on his face, “I know you don’t have the appetite, but you’re going to die at this rate. At least eat a little, alright? I’ll make your favourite.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Akaashi nodded, before snuggling back into his bed. In a matter of time, he was soon dozing off.</p><p>”What are we going to do with him?” Suga sighed as he grabbed Akaashi’s keys, which were coincidentally on the table.</p><p>”I don’t know. I’m worried about him. It’s been more than a week since he left his house, and it doesn’t seem to me that he’s planning to leave it anytime soon,” Oikawa said, grabbing his wallet that was placed on the dining table as well.</p><p>”Eh? What’s this?” He questioned as he picked up the box that was sitting beside his wallet. “Cookies, huh?” Suga asked, creeping up from behind him.</p><p>”Ah, we’ll ask him about it later. Let’s head out for now. We need to buy ingredients... then we need to tidy up his house, get him to shower, eat dinner... and hopefully manage to persuade him to catch up on his schoolwork,” Oikawa said, mentally noting down all the things he had to do.</p><p>”Ah, getting him to shower already seems like a difficult task,” Suga chuckled as they locked the door behind them, “I don’t even think we’d manage to get him out of bed.”</p><p>Oikawa fiddled with his fingers as he stared on the ground, not saying a word. Suga glanced at him, already knowing what’s on his mind.</p><p>”I know, you’re worried for him. But there’s this much that we can do. If he’s unwilling to receive help, we can't help him, even if we wanted to. I don’t want to push him either, I’m scared he’ll just push us further away as a result,” Suga muttered, grasping Oikawa’s hand as a futile attempt to comfort his best friend.</p><p>”I know. He’s always been secretive and constantly kept things to himself, but it’s getting worse. I’m afraid we’ll lose him,” sighed Oikawa.</p><p>”Hey,” Suga stopped, grabbing Oikawa’s arm to stop him as well, “We won’t, alright? We’ll do everything to help him.”</p><p>Oikawa sighed, nodding, “I know. Now, let’s hurry up and get our groceries. We still have a long list of things to do.”</p><p>
  <strong>⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯</strong>
</p><p>“Remind me why am I here again?" groaned the man as he lifted an owl night light out of the box it was in, before shoving the box elsewhere. Clearly unamused, he placed the night light down on the nightstand beside him, before turning around to another box.</p><p>"Because you're the best!" beamed Bokuto as a snicker came from the sofa beside them. </p><p>"That was funny to you huh, kitten?" Kuroo addressed the smaller male who didn't even spare him a glance. Not really expecting an answer anyway, Kuroo frowned, turning back to the object in his hands.</p><p>"I'm not even surprised," Kuroo sighed, yet clearly disappointed. It was a lego figurine, but not the normal one you'd expect. It was one where the figurine appeared to be at a strip club, considering that the lego was dressed in her undergarments while clinging onto a pole, some money placed beside her feet. Kenma gave a glance at the figurine, before turning back to his switch.</p><p>"Is this the last box?" Kuroo asked as Bokuto shook his head. "There's still one more outside. Help me bring it in would you?" Bokuto asked. And with a smile like Bokuto's, who could refuse? Sighing, Kuroo headed out, peeping out of the door to find a box by the wall. Using his foot to hold open the door, he heaved the box up. </p><p>"You think he's still asleep?" came an unfamiliar voice as Kuroo glanced to his right. There came two figures, both of them being around the same age as him, yet one with brown hair and the other with silver hair. Both of them were carrying bags of groceries. He furrowed his eyebrows, both of them somehow seeming familiar. Maybe he'd seen them around campus before.</p><p>Realising that he was now staring, he adjusted the box in his hands before heading back into Bokuto's apartment before they could see him. Shrugging it off, he placed the box on the floor beside Bokuto before settling down beside Kenma.</p><p>"What do y'all want to eat?"</p><p>"Apple pie," muttered Kenma as Kuroo chuckled, "No apple pie but there's free cake for you any day," he winked as Kenma rolled his eyes. Yet, the younger had a small smile on his face.</p><p>"Ramen?" Bokuto suggested as Kuroo shrugged, "Sure," he paused to get his phone, "I'll order it."</p><p>"Yay!" Bokuto cheered as he settled down beside Kuroo. Glancing up, Kuroo found that the house was much neater than when he'd first stepped into it. There was still some work that needed to be done, but it was good enough, considering that it was Bokuto after all. How neat would you expect Bokuto to be?</p><p>As he finished ordering, he put down his phone as he slung his arm around Kenma, letting the younger rest his head on his chest. The blonde happily snuggled into Kuroo's chest, letting out a sigh of relief before turning back to his game.</p><p>"Say, who are your new neighbours?" he asked, still curious about the two men that he saw just now.</p><p>"Neighbours?" asked Bokuto, "Like, with an s?" </p><p>Kuroo shrugged, "Saw two of them just now. One brown-haired and the other one silver."</p><p>"Weird... the one I met was black-haired," frowned Bokuto, "He was pretty though. Like. Really pretty."</p><p>"Ah, Bokuto, don't go falling for another man," Kuroo clicked his tongue, now resting his head on top of Kenma's.</p><p>"I'm not in love with him!" protested Bokuto, "Yet..." he added on apprehensively.</p><p>"Yet?" Sighed Kuroo.</p><p>"Yet."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Suicide Hotlines:</p><p>Argentina: +5402234930430<br/>Australia: 131114<br/>Austria: 017133374<br/>Belgium: 106<br/>Botswana: 3911270<br/>Brazil: 212339191<br/>Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)<br/>China: 85223820000<br/>Croatia: 014833888<br/>Denmark: +4570201201<br/>Egypt: 7621602<br/>Finland: 040-5032199<br/>France: 0145394000<br/>Germany: 08001810771<br/>Holland: 09000767<br/>India: 8888817666<br/>Ireland: +4408457909090<br/>Italy: 800860022<br/>Japan: +810352869090<br/>Mexico: 5255102550<br/>New Zealand: 045861048<br/>Norway: +4781533300<br/>Philippines: 028969191<br/>Poland: 5270000<br/>Russia: 0078202577577<br/>Spain: 914590050<br/>South Africa: 0514445691<br/>Sweden: 46317112400<br/>Switzerland: 143<br/>United Kingdom: 08457909090<br/>USA: 18002738255</p><p>im sorry if i missed your country ! but if youre going through anything, just remember that we are all here for you &lt;3 you got this !! if you want to talk , feel free to tele me @/lcverens ! of if udm dming me through tiktok , the @ is lcvesdraco :) be safe babes</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>( ! ) trigger warnings: emotional abuse ; alcoholism ; mentions of suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Recommendation: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/5gNWtBAVZgS4N3oF0BthBi?si=0uwzUgvhR1e03J8LYjW8ww">SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK - Acoustic Remix by Joji</a></p><p> </p><p>"So." Oikawa started as Akaashi internally groaned. Setting down his bowl, Oikawa turned to Akaashi. A frown appeared on his face once he saw the amount of leftovers in Akaashi's bowl, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. His face was now plastered with a smile that anyone could tell was fake.</p><p>"Want to tell us what happened today?" asked Suga as he gave the younger a reassuring smile. It was a common routine that they did. Suga and Oikawa, being the only ones that knew about his situation, was often there to check up on him. They would occasionally drop by his house, help him clean up, ask him how his day went, then proceed to wring everything out of him. Not that they got much out, anyways, but no harm trying.</p><p>"Well." Akaashi started, before taking a deep breath. Oikawa and Suga stayed silent, knowing that they had to give him his time. "Daisuke came over in the morning, for one," Akaashi muttered out. He saw a flash of anger appear on Suga's face before the older took a deep breath, forcing out a smile.</p><p>"What'd he want?" </p><p>"Oh, you know. The usual." Akaashi shrugged, visibly getting uncomfortable</p><p>
  <em>"God, you're so fucking tough to deal with!" He yelled as Akaashi fiddled with his fingers, still sitting on the edge of the bed. Blinking, Akaashi mustered up the courage to look up at his boyfriend. There was no sense of warmth in his eyes, just pure anger and hatred. Swallowing down the bile that was forming in his throat, Akaashi blinked back his tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Get a grip on yourself, would you? How long do you plan on living this way? You're just going to stay in bed all day? And rot away? Being the useless fuck that you are?" Daisuke growled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I... I'm sorry," Akaashi muttered, gripping his shirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't even know why I keep up with you," sighed Daisuke as leaned against the wall, not sparing a glance at Akaashi. Akaashi's hands were now clenched, his nails digging into his palm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Really. I don't know what's stopping me from breaking up with you. Maybe I'm still clinging on to the hope that you'd go back to the boy I fell in love with. The boy who was all sunshine and rainbows. He was the boy I loved. Not... not this version of you," Daisuke continued, as if blind to the fact that there were tears streaming down Akaashi's face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm so fucking tired of you. I don't want to see you again. At least not until you got a hold of yourself and stopped acting this way."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that was his final words being he slammed the door shut, letting Akaashi busk in his own puddle of self-hatred.</em>
</p><p>Sighing, Suga took Akaashi's hand, examining the wounds caused by his nail. He somehow already knew, without Akaashi telling him, what exactly went down. Oikawa seemed to know as well, considering that there was a flash of anger that appeared in his eyes.</p><p>"The next time he comes over, don't let him in please," Oikawa muttered as he leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>"I don't think he wants to see me anymore, anyways," Akaashi muttered, his eyes flickering down to avoid eye contact with either of them. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Oikawa giving him the look, his lips now pressing to form a thin line. “But he's my boyfriend! I can’t just, not let him in!” Akaashi defended.</p><p>"A shitty one, at that," Suga commented. "Not you too!" Akaashi protested, now addressing Suga.</p><p>"I was never supportive of your relationship with him," Suga frowned, 'It's just that I never really spoke up about it as much as Oikawa, but I think all of us know that he's no good for you. I'm not sure whether you see it or not, but you deserve much better than him. Maybe you're willingly putting yourself through the emotional abuse because you think you deserved it or so, but I'm here telling you that you don't deserve any of the pain you put yourself through. If I could, I would take all your pain away from you," he paused, taking a deep, shaky breath, "But that's not possible. So for now, I'll just help you to the best of my ability. And so will Oikawa. Just don't push us away..." he took another breath, "Please."</p><p>Blinking at his two best friends, Akaashi shook his head, "Thanks guys... well. I'll try." Giving him a small smile, Oikawa stood up. "Now, you up for a shower?" asked the older.</p><p>"Not really,"</p><p>"But you stink," Oikawa said, wrinkling his nose. "Hm. Maybe later," said Akaashi, "Can you hand me one of that, though?' he asked, pointing to the box of cookies.</p><p>Clearly hiding his shock, Suga grabbed the box, opening it, before offering a piece to Akaashi. "Thank you," Akaashi muttered as he took the cookie, nibbling the edge of it.</p><p>As he glanced up, he saw Suga and Oikawa looking at him apprehensively. He rolled his eyes, which made the pair jump back in terror.</p><p>"Calm down, you don't have to be so shocked just because I ate,” he sighed. "Sorry," they muttered, clearly guilty, "Is it good though?"</p><p>"Mm, it isn't bad, try one if you'd like. My neighbour made them. He just moved in." Oikawa raised his eyebrows as he and Suga each took a piece, “How’s he like?” Asked Oikawa.</p><p>"Bright," Akaashi winced, "The exact opposite of me. Seemed nice though."</p><p>"Is he good looking?" Suga wiggled his eyebrows, giving Akaashi the look. "I have a boyfriend, Sugawara," Akaashi shook his head, muttering.</p><p>"A terrible one, at that," muttered Oikawa, which he blatantly ignored.</p><p>"I'll go shower now," said Akaashi as he stood up, grabbing a new set of clothes as he stepped into the shower. He could hear whispering coming from Oikawa and Suga, but he decided to ignore it for now. Sighing, he turned on the shower before leaning against the wall, letting the droplets of water patter against his skin. He let his tears run down his face, allowing the water to camouflage it. He was tired. <em>He was so tired</em>. He let out another sigh as he stood up, properly soaping himself before rinsing off and heading back out. The hushed whisper turned into silence as he stepped out of the shower. </p><p>"If you're going to talk behind my back, might as well just head back to your own dormitories to do it," he muttered, drying his hair.</p><p>"Akaashi," frowned Suga as Akaashi whipped his head around, facing the pair and giving them both a glare.</p><p>"Go. home. It's getting late, and I'm tired." His voice was barely over a whisper, but both Suga and Oikawa could pick up the hint of annoyance in it.</p><p>"Sorry. We'll visit during the weekend, alright? Just before the school term starts again," Oikawa said as he picked up his things. </p><p>Akaashi sighed.</p><p>"We know. But we're not going to allow you to push us away, Keiji," Oikawa said. Akaashi gave them a final glare, and he was alone in his apartment again.</p><p>
  <em>There you go, messing things up again.</em>
</p><p>Akaashi really wanted to punch himself. Suga and Oikawa were just showing concern, but he just couldn't help but be a bitch whenever they were around. Eventually, even they'd get tired of him too, if he continues his act.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe it's for the better. They wouldn't be that sad when you finally kill yourself.</em>
</p><p>He let out a chuckle, grabbing a bottle of alcohol from the fridge. Trudging back to his sofa, he flopped down on it, throwing his head back to rest against the cushion.</p><p>
  <em>Fancy of you to think that they'd care.</em>
</p><p>He chugged down the alcohol, disregarding the burn he felt in his throat. </p><p>
  <em>Maybe they already hate you. Maybe they're just putting up with you just so that they can garner your trust then stab you in the back.</em>
</p><p>Another gulp.</p><p>
  <em>Ah. That must be it. And I was still here wondering why'd they associate with someone like me. Especially when the both of them are so much kinder, smarter and brighter than me.</em>
</p><p>Grabbing another bottle, he swigged down the alcohol in seven gulps. The alcohol was starting to get to him, and he could feel the throbbing headache starting to form in his head as his vision got hazy.</p><p>"They fucking hate you," he whispered to himself as his arm dropped lazily to his side, letting the alcohol spill out of the bottle. “They fucking hate you!" He screamed as he threw the bottle with all the might he could muster, letting the glass shattering and the alcohol rain down on him. He could smell the harsh scent of the alcohol and could feel the soreness in his mouth from the amount of alcohol that he had chugged down his throat.</p><p>"More!" he slurred as he staggered towards the fridge, kneeling down to grab another bottle of alcohol. He clears his throat as he stood up, just for him to fall back down on the couch in an unbalanced attempt to walk to the dark bedroom where he could feel the comfort of the bed to overtake the state of drunkenness. Akaashi stands again and staggers towards his bed, gripping on bookcases and tables to the room. </p><p>Just as he was about to finish his fourth bottle of alcohol, he heard the hesitant knock on his door.</p><p>"Daisuke? Tat youuu?" He sauntered towards the door as he swung it open, latching onto the man before he even got a clear look of who it was.</p><p>"Um. Akaashi.”</p><p>Detaching himself from the figure, he got a clearer look at the man. "Oh! Bokuto-san!" He slurred, attaching himself back onto Bokuto. The older scratched his nape, unsure of what to do.</p><p>"Don't leave me..." Akaashi muttered as Bokuto awkwardly stood there, attempting to pat Akaashi's back.</p><p>"Daisuke. M sorry... I... I'll change. Just. Just don't leave me," He mumbled as Bokuto slowly removed the bottle out of Akaashi's hand.</p><p>"Akaashi, you're drunk," Bokuto said as he attempted to steady Akaashi again. To no avail, though, considering that Akaashi had clung onto Bokuto again. Sighing, Bokuto forcefully detached Akaashi's arms around him as he swung one of Akaashi's arms around his shoulder. He staggered back to Akaashi's bed before he gently settled Akaashi down. Getting him into a comfortable position, Bokuto covered Akaashi with a blanket as he scanned his surroundings. It was a mess, to say at the least, there was alcohol spilled everywhere and shards of glass around. Overturned bookshelves and tables, paired with stained bedsheets.</p><p>Grabbing Akaashi's phone, he found it to be without a passcode. Feeling guilty about invading his privacy, he unlocked the phone, immediately going to his contacts. There were only 4 contacts on it, being 'Dad', 'Daisuke', 'Oikawa' and 'Suga'. He hesitated. It clearly wasn't a good idea to call his dad, because which parent would want to deal with a drunk son? He figured it wasn't a good idea to call 'Daisuke' either, since he seemed to be the reason why Akaashi was crying. Temporarily burying the anger inside of him, he clicked Oikawa's contact, ringing him.</p><p>"Keiji-chan? What happened? It's rare for you to call," he heard a groggy voice through the phone, the recipient sounding as if he just woke up. Bokuto widened his eyes, glancing at the clock. 4:21am, it read. Pushing that aside for now, he diverted his attention back to the phone.</p><p>"Oikawa-san?" Bokuto began. He heard the springing up of the recipient as he heard a flustered voice, "What happened to Keiji? Who are you? What did you do to him?"</p><p>"Calm down, Oikawa-san. This is Bokuto Koutarou, his new neighbor. Um, Akaashi's drunk. His apartment's a mess too, I think he broke the bottles of alcohol or something," Bokuto said, slightly taken aback.</p><p>"Ah, then can you take care of him for the night? They locked up the apartment complex, so I can't go there now. I'll be there the first thing in the morning though," Oikawa said, stifling a yawn while doing so. Apparently, even Bokuto could tell.</p><p>"Don't worry, I'll take care of him. And don't be in a rush to get here! Go get some sleep, I'll make sure Akaashi's safe," Bokuto comforted. This was something new, he must admit, and he was a little confused as to why Akaashi was this way, but he realised that it wasn't his business to pry.</p><p>There was a pause on Oikawa's end before he whispered, "Thank you, Bokuto. I'm counting on you, then." As he hung up, Bokuto glanced back at Akaashi.</p><p>Fuck. What was he supposed to do now?</p><p>"Don't go," he heard Akaashi slur as he felt a grasp around his wrist. Akaashi weakly tugged Bokuto, but Bokuto was frozen in shock that even a weak tug caused him to fall onto Akaashi’s bed. </p><p>"Mm... stay here," mumbled Akaashi as he wrapped his arms around Bokuto's waist. Feeling too weak under the influence of Akaashi's touch, Bokuto didn't bother struggling. Instead, he planted a light kiss on the forehead of the younger.</p><p>"I'm here," he whispered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Suicide Hotlines:</p><p>Argentina: +5402234930430<br/>Australia: 131114<br/>Austria: 017133374<br/>Belgium: 106<br/>Botswana: 3911270<br/>Brazil: 212339191<br/>Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)<br/>China: 85223820000<br/>Croatia: 014833888<br/>Denmark: +4570201201<br/>Egypt: 7621602<br/>Finland: 040-5032199<br/>France: 0145394000<br/>Germany: 08001810771<br/>Holland: 09000767<br/>India: 8888817666<br/>Ireland: +4408457909090<br/>Italy: 800860022<br/>Japan: +810352869090<br/>Mexico: 5255102550<br/>New Zealand: 045861048<br/>Norway: +4781533300<br/>Philippines: 028969191<br/>Poland: 5270000<br/>Russia: 0078202577577<br/>Spain: 914590050<br/>South Africa: 0514445691<br/>Sweden: 46317112400<br/>Switzerland: 143<br/>United Kingdom: 08457909090<br/>USA: 18002738255</p><p>im always here for u &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>( ! ) trigger warnings: mentions of suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Recommendation: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/3WMQxtTnXM3ZsLXfBMp1j8?si=Cmrz-GnxRmulAHIa6orHHg">In Dreams by Cardnl</a></p><p> </p><p>Bokuto blinked awake, momentarily forgetting where he was. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get a better view on his surroundings. As he blinked, his vision cleared, and he realised that there was a figure lying beside him.</p><p><em>Right, </em>he thought, <em>I’m at Akaashi’s house right now, I’m on Akaashi’s bed, there two unknown figures sitting on the sofa smirking at me... Wait. What?</em></p><p>“Hello, Kou-chan,” purred the brown-haired one as Bokuto blinked at him, clearly confused at the situation. The silver-haired one gave the other a joking shove. His smirk soon turned into a grin as he stood up, advancing towards Bokuto. The brown-haired one remained sitting on the sofa, his legs crossed as he scanned Bokuto from head to toe, as if doing a full body inspection. </p><p>”Thank you for taking care of Akaashi, Bokuto,” said the silver, before his eyes flickered down to Bokuto’s waist, where a pair of arms were wrapped around it, “Though I really don’t see why it was necessary for you to get into bed with him. He has a boyfriend, you know.”</p><p>”I-” stuttered Bokuto, trying to ignore the drop of his heart at his statement. Focusing back to the stare that the silver was giving him, he shuddered, trying to explain himself. He heard a snicker from the sofa as a laugh came out from the silver, indicating to Bokuto that he was joking.</p><p>”Calm down sweetheart, it’s just a joke. Though I would appreciate it if you got out of Keiji’s bed, though,” said the brown-haired one, “Oikawa Tooru.”</p><p>”And I’m Sugawara Koushi. Pleasure to meet you, Bokuto,” Suga grinned as he helped to peel Akaashi’s arms off Bokuto’s waist, helping the latter up to his feet.</p><p>”Great to meet you!” exclaimed Bokuto, “Though the situation isn’t exactly... ideal,” he later added on.</p><p>“Ah well, either way, thank you for you help. We really appreciate it,” Oikawa said as his eyes flickered to glance at Akaashi, who stirred in his sleep. ”What happened to him though?” He asked.</p><p>“Ah,” Bokuto said, scratching his nape, “I just heard shattering coming from his apartment, so I came over to come check on him...” Bokuto paused, “When he saw me, he jumped onto me and begin muttering a name called ‘Daisuke’. I think Akaashi mistook me for him. He then dragged me into bed with him. I didn’t take advantage of him!” said Bokuto in defense.</p><p>”We know. Calm down, Kou-chan,” Oikawa said as him and Suga exchanged a worried glance. Bokuto let out a cough as they both turned back to him, giving him a sweet smile. They were both very good looking, Bokuto had noted, it truly was an attractive friend group.</p><p>“Well, I think it’s time for me to head back, it’s getting pretty late,” Bokuto said, glancing at the clock. 10:37am. He paused, realising something. Kuroo and Kenma was supposed to come over at 10!</p><p>Pocketing his phone, Bokuto slid past Suga and Oikawa, “I, um, have something on. I’ll see you soon? Hopefully? In better circumstances?”</p><p>Before they could even reply, Bokuto had dashed out, proceeding to hurriedly punch in his passcode. As he stepped into his apartment, he found Kuroo towering over Kenma, the older’s lips pressed fully against the younger. The latter’s arms were snaked around Kuroo’s waist, one hand clutching the hem of his shirt while the other one slid underneath his shirt, his hands roaming around Kuroo’s body.</p><p>”The fuck?” Bokuto shrieked as the two detached themselves from each other, not a hint of embarrassment on their faces. Though, their cheeks were flushed and their lips were slightly bleeding. On seeing Bokuto, Kuroo’s lips lifted to form a smirk, while Kenma just gave a small cough before grabbing his switch, continuing his game.</p><p>”You...” he glanced between the both of them, “Dating?” </p><p>“Bo, sweetie, speak in full sentences please,” Kuroo laughed as Bokuto just blinked at them. “But if you’re asking whether we’re dating,” Kuroo paused, “It’s been going on for weeks. I don’t know how you didn’t realise. You’re really denser than I thought.”</p><p>”What?!” Screeched Bokuto, his hand firmly pressing against the door to steady himself while he stood rooted in his spot.</p><p>”Is anything the matter?” He heard a voice to his right, seeing Suga standing by the door of Akaashi’s apartment, his eyebrows furrowed and Oikawa’s head peaking out from behind him.</p><p>”Nope! Nothing!” Bokuto squeaked as he glanced to his left to see Kuroo prancing towards the door. He hurriedly shoved Kuroo back in - but to no avail, seeing that Kuroo had forcefully peaked out of the door.</p><p>”Oh? Who’s this?” Oikawa asked as Kuroo shoved Bokuto out of the way, advancing towards the pair.</p><p>”Kuroo Tetsurou.” Introduced Kuroo, “And how do you know my dear Bokuto here?”</p><p>”Tetsurou-chan, no need to get so jealous,” Oikawa laughed as he extended his hand out, “I’m Oikawa Tooru, and pretty boy here is Sugawara Koushi.” </p><p>Firmly accepting his handshake, Kuroo smirked, “So, I assume that you were the ones that Bokuto spent the night with.”</p><p>”Oh, love, you got it all wrong,” Suga said, letting out a tinkling laugh, “Though, it’s none of your business, is it?” </p><p>Behind the joking demeanour was menace as Kuroo acknowledged it, taking a step back. “Well, just curious,” his eyes flickered towards Bokuto, who was just staring at the trio, frozen in shock. Or maybe fear.</p><p>”Who’s that?” A voice came from Bokuto’s apartment as Kenma stuck his head out to pry on the commotion.</p><p>”A threesome, huh,” Suga raised his eyebrows as his eyes flickered between Bokuto, Kenma and Kuroo.</p><p>”It’s none of your business, is it?” smiled Kuroo, though there was a hint of spite in it. “Ah, a snarky one, ain’t you, Tetsurou-chan?” Oikawa smirked, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. Kuroo shrugged, before he felt a tug on his sleeve. He glanced down, seeing Kenma indicating for him to go back in.</p><p>“Well well, there’s my cue to go. See you...” he glanced at the duo before him, “Koushi-chan and Tooru-chan,” he smirked, clearly imitating Oikawa.</p><p>With a final (and fake) laugh, Suga and Oikawa had slammed the door shut.</p><p>“I don’t like the vibes of him. Especially the brown.” Kuroo commented as he headed back into Bokuto’s apartment, Kenma still clinging onto his sleeve.</p><p>”Oh, come on,” Bokuto groaned, “He’s just protective of Akaashi, that’s all. Don’t be so mean.”</p><p>”I wasn’t! It’s just being cautious,” he paused, “Unlike you, who’s always so accepting of everyone. You’re going to be taken advantage of, one day.”</p><p>“I won’t! I know how to take care of myself!” Bokuto protested, ignoring the snicker that Kuroo let out.</p><p>”Anyways. You and Akaashi, huh?”</p><p>
  <strong>⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯</strong>
</p><p>”Fuck,” groaned Akaashi, peeling open his eyes. As his vision cleared, he could also feel the throbbing pain in his head and the bile in his throat.</p><p>”Language, babe,” cooed Oikawa as he handed Akaashi a pill and a glass of water. ”For your headache,” said Oikawa as he gently rubbed Akaashi’s back as the latter forced the pill down, wincing at the soreness of his throat.</p><p>”What are you doing here? I thought you said you’ll only come back on the weekend,” Akaashi said, deadpan. He glanced around, seeing that his apartment was mostly cleaned up, others than the stains on the wall that he guessed couldn’t be removed.</p><p>”You hurt our feelings, Keiji,” mithered Suga as he swung a garbage bag over his shoulder, “It’s the first thing in the morning and you’re already chasing us out.”</p><p>”I thought I told you not to come,” Akaashi muttered, can’t help but to feel slightly annoyed at his two older friends. “Well,” Oikawa shrugged, “Your dear Kou-chan called us, pleading for help. Of course we couldn’t deny it.”</p><p>”Kou-chan?” Akaashi furrowed his eyesbrows, as if trying to remember the name. It then hit him.  “You mean Bokuto-san was here?” He shrieked. </p><p>”Calm down, Keiji-chan. From what I heard, you were the one begging for him to stay,” teased Oikawa, “Though it seemed to him that you mistook him for Daisuke. But no judgements here.”</p><p>Akaashi sighed, massaging the side of his head. He was too tired to even think - and his headache was killing him. He glanced at Suga, who seemed to dump at he garbage bag outside his house, before he turned back to Oikawa, who basically had the word ‘worry’ pasted on his forehead.</p><p>”Akaashi.” Oikawa started. Oh no. This wasn’t good. “Maybe you should go seek some help, you know? Maybe go for therapy? Or even seeing a psychiatrist? It would never hurt to try. It’s really not as bad as you think, you know. I go to one quite often an-” Oikawa’s eyes widened, his hand clamping over his mouth. Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows. Oikawa went to therapy often? He glanced over at Suga, who seemed to avoid his eyes. “Anyways, well, it’s really not that bad.” Oikawa ended on an awkward note.</p><p>”I don’t think I require it. Whereas you though, seems to be the one that goes often, so I suggest you make an appointment for yourself instead.” Akaashi muttered, yet still slightly bothered at Oikawa’s words.</p><p>He heard Oikawa take a deep breath as Akaashi gave him a glance. “I’m already going regularly, thank you,” Oikawa snickered, “But it seems like you need it too. I’m saying this because I care for you, Akaashi. I don’t understand why you’re so unwilling to go. It’s for your own good, seeing that you’re losing your sanity more and more everyday. What if one day, I find you lying on the floor in a puddle of your own blood, huh? What if one day, I see you passed out on the floor and I’m too late to save you?” Oikawa had a grim look on his face, seeming as if he might burst into tears any moment. But now that Akaashi thought about it, he’s never seen Oikawa cry before. Not when his dog died, not even when his parents divorced. </p><p>“I’m worried for you, Akaashi. You need help. You can’t fight this alone, you’re not sane enough to make your own decisions. At least not for now.” He grimaced, “If Bokuto hadn’t stopped you yesterday, who knows how much you would have drank. Maybe the next time I saw you, you would’ve passed out from alcohol poisoning. I don’t know. I really don’t know what you might do to yourself. Me and Sugawara has to be on stand by any moment because we are afraid that at any second, we might lose you. You kno-”</p><p>”Stop.” Akaashi muttered, cutting him off as he met Oikawa’s eyes. “Just stop. Get the fuck out of my house.” </p><p>Seeing that Oikawa didn’t move from his place, he screamed, “LEAVE! I don’t want to see you! Just go! Please...” his voice dropped to a whisper. Nodding, Oikawa stood up, grabbing his things. He turned back, letting out a sigh, ”I don’t regret any of the things I said, Akaashi. Both you and I know that it’s true.” And with that, he had turned and left the two soaking up the silence that remained.</p><p>”You too, Sugawara. Leave,” he muttered. Suga looked like he was about to protest, but he knew better. “Don’t hate Oikawa too much. I’m sure you already know this, but it’s because he cares about you. A lot. And he’s in a bad place too, right now. So don’t be so harsh on him. We’ll still visit during the weekend.” Suga muttered, before turning to leave. </p><p>He’s done it again. He drove them away. Pressing his thighs towards his chest, he curled up into a ball. And as much as he tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without any sign of stopping. Clenching his jaw, he tried to bite back a sob, but to no avail. The sounds he made sounded so un-humanlike, sounding so raw and <em>so</em> <em>in</em> <em>pain. </em>His sobs punched through, ripping through his muscles, bones, and guts. He pressed his forehead against his knees, allowing his life to crumble in his fingertips.</p><p>
  <em>I fucked up once again.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Suicide Hotlines:</p><p>Argentina: +5402234930430<br/>Australia: 131114<br/>Austria: 017133374<br/>Belgium: 106<br/>Botswana: 3911270<br/>Brazil: 212339191<br/>Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)<br/>China: 85223820000<br/>Croatia: 014833888<br/>Denmark: +4570201201<br/>Egypt: 7621602<br/>Finland: 040-5032199<br/>France: 0145394000<br/>Germany: 08001810771<br/>Holland: 09000767<br/>India: 8888817666<br/>Ireland: +4408457909090<br/>Italy: 800860022<br/>Japan: +810352869090<br/>Mexico: 5255102550<br/>New Zealand: 045861048<br/>Norway: +4781533300<br/>Philippines: 028969191<br/>Poland: 5270000<br/>Russia: 0078202577577<br/>Spain: 914590050<br/>South Africa: 0514445691<br/>Sweden: 46317112400<br/>Switzerland: 143<br/>United Kingdom: 08457909090<br/>USA: 18002738255</p><p>yall will get to learn more about oikawa’s problems too in the later chapters :) and i swear oikawa , suga and kuroo will be great friends too... just not now</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>no trigger warnings this time !! sorta fluff (?) for yall~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Recommendation: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/77G0k1La0c5Dw8bAFANcyp?si=znABkhx5S6uVT_KtsB3ObA">Sports by Beach Bunny</a></p><p> </p><p>“Oi. Tooru!” Called Suga as he ran to catch up with Oikawa. Slowing down his pace to allow Suga to catch up, he turned back to see Suga chasing after him. He sighed, running his hands through his hair as he stopped, allowing Suga to catch his breath.</p><p>”Want to talk about it?” Suga asked as Oikawa shrugged, “Fuck me and my stupid running mouth. I was never meant to tell him that I went to....” Oikawa paused, “Therapy,” he mumbled. Shaking his head, Suga took ahold of Oikawa’s arm, dragging him into the campus cafe. He forcefully got Oikawa to sit down as he ordered two coffees, sliding one of them to Oikawa. Suga took a sip out of his coffee as he glanced at his best friend, his heart internally breaking a little. Oikawa had dark rings under his eyes, his cheeks were sunken, face pale.</p><p>”You know you could try telling Akaashi about it, you know?” Suga suggested as Oikawa shook his head. “Both you and I know that he’d manage to find some way to blame himself. Anyways, let’s not talk about it. I’m more worried about Keiji, honestly," sighed Oikawa, "I don't think he'd be willing to see either of us for the rest of the week, but I'm scared he might end up doing something dumb... but there's no one else we could call."</p><p>"How about Bokuto?" suggested Suga as Oikawa's eyes seemed to light up at that idea, "I'm sure Akaashi wouldn't suspect anything, since he doesn't even know that we know Bokuto. I mean, as long as Bokuto doesn't give any sign that we were the ones that sent him," Suga paused, "Though I have doubts about him being able to keep a secret."</p><p>"It's the best option we have," sighed Oikawa, "Let's finish up before heading back to their apartment complex. Hopefully, Rooster-chan isn't still there."</p><p>
  <strong>⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯</strong>
</p><p>Hearing a knock on the door, Kuroo glanced up, his mouth still stuffed with food as he stood up, going to answer the door. As he opened the door, he rolled his eyes, clearly dissatisfied with the visitors that Bokuto got. "What are you doing here?" He questioned as the brown-haired crossed his arms, giving Kuroo a smirk.</p><p>"Don't go thinking we're happy to see you either, Rooster-chan," said Oikawa as Kuroo's eyes widened, receiving the burn of Oikawa's words, "Anyways, where's Kou-chan? We need to speak to him."</p><p>"Who's that?" Came a muffled voice from the apartment as Oikawa shoved his way past Kuroo, his smirk turning into a grin. "Kou-chan!" He called, clearly in a much better mood now. Suga gave Kuroo the side-eye as he slid past the taller, making the latter let out a huff of annoyance. "I'm clearly uncomfortable with you two doing in my house," he commented, closing the front door before heading back into the apartment, "I thought I had enough of you two just by seeing you in the morning."</p><p>"Kuroo, don't be so mean to them," pouted Bokuto as he signaled for Oikawa and Suga to sit, which they gladly did, "They really aren't that bad. And I'd appreciate it if you two were nice to Kuroo too. I don't like seeing people fight."</p><p>Sighing, Kuroo rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Let's start again, shall we? I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, and this is Kenma Kozume," he signaled towards Kenma, who gave them a tiny nod, "And no, we are not in a threesome. I am, however, dating Kenma. Is that all you want to know?" He said, forcing out a smile. Oikawa noted that his smile strangely reminded him of a Cheshire Cat. Turning his attention back to the conversation, he gave smile back, trying his back to cover up the fact that it was a fake one. "I know. I’ve seen y’all around campus before. Anyways, Oikawa Tooru," "-and Sugawara Koushi!" added Suga, "And there's our friend, Akaashi Keiji, who lives beside this apartment," he paused for a while, not knowing how to continue. "Well... we're here today because we need a favour from Kou-chan."</p><p> "Me?" Bokuto blinked, his voice coming out as a muffle as his cheeks were stuffed with food. "Yes, you," Suga sighed, "It's about Akaashi."</p><p>"He... well, kinda drove us out," Suga said, embarrassed, "And the next time he'd let us in would be Sunday, but that's way too long from now. And you've seen the state he was in when he was alone. We're worried something like that might happen again... so could you just go check up on him and make sure he's alright? Maybe you could try to get him to eat while you're at it?"</p><p>Bokuto shrugged, nodding, "It's no problem at all! I'm more than happy to help him!" He paused for a while, seeming momentarily confused, "What's wrong with him though?" He asked as Oikawa and Suga exchanged a glance as Oikawa shook his head, "I'm sorry, Kou-chan, but it's not our place to tell. If you're smart enough, I'm sure you would be able to figure it out yourself," he paused, giving a glance to Kuroo, "Seems like your friend here had caught on. Pretty surprising, Rooster-chan, you're pretty bright," he commented, "No wonder the Chemistry major."</p><p>"Huh, how'd you know?"</p><p>"Lucky guess," shrugged Oikawa as he turned back to Bokuto, "Thanks for your help, Kou-chan. I think that's our cue to leave now. Don't want your dear Rooster-chan to be in a worse mood than he already is," he gave a sweet smile to Bokuto, before giving a small wave to Kenma, "Bye~" And with that, Oikawa and Suga had left, leaving a confused Bokuto, fumed Kuroo and unbothered Kenma."</p><p>"Silver one still seems alright, but that Tooru guy," Kuroo groaned, leaning back against the sofa, clearly more at ease now that they were gone, "He really gets on my nerves." Ignoring his friend, Bokuto just stared at the business card that Oikawa accidentally (or purposely?) dropped, muttering, "Tooru Oikawa.... Model???" On hearing Bokuto's shriek, Kuroo snatched the card from Bokuto's fingers, examining the card. "His number is behind. Cocky bitch," he commented as he turned the card around, "Model for Popteen magazine huh? No wonder he's such a conceited bastard," he muttered, flinging the card away - which Bokuto ran after to grab - as Kuroo sighed, "Just be careful around that Akaashi guy. Make sure he doesn't accidentally hurt you in any way."</p><p>"What's wrong with him though?" asked Bokuto as his eyes flickered back up to meet Kuroo's, "Is he sick?"</p><p>"Well..." mused Kuroo, "I guess you could say that."</p><p>
  <strong>⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯</strong>
</p><p>"Akaashi!"</p><p>The said man groaned at the repeated knocking on his door as he pressed his pillow against his ears, trying to block out the sound. To no avail, though, considering that he could still hear the thundering knocks. Annoyed, he tumbled out of his bed, yanking his door open, "What do you want?" he demanded as he saw an overly exited Bokuto, smiling sheepishly. "Nanohana? With Karashi?" He suggested, lifting up the bag of food in his hand. Sighing, he invited Bokuto in, having too little energy to chase Bokuto away. He was more endearing than Suga and Oikawa anyways, so he didn't really mind having Bokuto as a visitor.</p><p>"I haven't heard you leave the house the whole of yesterday, so I decided to come visit," explained Bokuto, as he laid out the dishes, "I hope you like Nanohana though. I wasn't sure what to get, and just decided to buy the first thing that came to mind."</p><p>"it's actually my favourite food, so thank you, Bokuto-san," said Akaashi as he settled down in front of Bokuto, "Though I'm still unsure why you decided to visit at this time of the day." Bokuto grimaced, glancing at the clock. It was currently 15 minutes to midnight, Bokuto noted, maybe not an ideal time to visit. He shrugged, getting some utensils and offering a set to Akaashi, "I was bored at home,” and even he himself was surprised at how easily that lie slipped out from his tongue. Oikawa, who he ended up texting, had reminded Bokuto just an hour ago to check up on Akaashi. After asking him what Akaashi's favourite food was, he had ordered it in (he didn't trust his cooking skills quite enough) and spent 15 minutes standing by Akaashi's door, mentally freaking out, before spending another 15 minutes just for Akaashi to answer the door.</p><p>
  <em>Pretend to be happy. Just fake a smile, have some food, and he'd believe it. Just fake it through, at least until he leaves.</em>
</p><p>Grimacing at the soreness of his throat as he swallowed down a bite of the Nanohana, Akaashi winced. Seeing the look on Akaashi's face, Bokuto offered him a bottle of water, gently rubbing his back. "You alright?" Bokuto asked as Akaashi nodded, gulping down the water. Noting the slightly awkward and tense atmosphere, Bokuto spoke up. "What's your major, Akaashi?"</p><p>"Graphic Design," Akaashi had replied, before taking another sip of water. "Oh, cool! Classes must be interesting! Well, I'm majoring in Early Childhood Education. I don't seem like it, but I work veryyy well with kids. They love me! I'm a babysitter too, just as a part-time job to earn some cash. It's really entertaining though. The kids are all really fun to play with. Anyways, did I mention why I had moved into here? I used to live with my parents, but they kicked me out because they thought I had to learn to be independent, haha! It's quite funny, to think of it. What made them think I didn't already know how to take care of myself? Though, they're kinda right. Kuroo often has to come over to 'babysit' me, because he doesn't trust me to take care of myself. He even drags Kenma along with him, which I recently found out was Kuroo's boyfriend. It took me a few weeks to find out though, I never really realised, but maybe I am very slow," he paused to take a breath, when he realised that he was rambling, "Shit, I ran my mouth again, didn't I? Sorry, I have this weird habit of talking too much. Some people can't handle it, and I'd understand if you couldn't, because you're reallyy quiet, Akaashi. Anddd maybe I should just shut up."</p><p>"It's fine," Akaashi chuckled, and oh god, Bokuto did feel like he was in heaven purely from hearing Akaashi's laugh, "I like hearing you talk. Continue on if you'd like." Akaashi said as Bokuto blinked at him. This was a first. People often just told him to shut up, or they'd simply walk away from the conversation.</p><p>"Oh! Like I was saying, Kuroo, who's my best friend by the way. He's really smart, and in the Chemistry major, would bring Kenma, his boyfriend, who's in Computer Engineering, to visit me everyday. Kenma's really quiet, so it's mostly me and Kuroo just chatting, so I don't really see why Kenma's always tagging along. But he seems really attached to Kuroo, so maybe that's why. They're pretty cute together, now that I think of it, and had always been acting like a couple, so maybe that's why I didn't think they were a couple til I caught them kissing. On my sofa, at that! Not that I really mind, to be honest, but it could be kinda gross to think about. And, well, um. Maybe that's about it?" He apprehensively glanced up at Akaashi, who was only on his second spoon of Nanohana, but also seeming very interested in the train of thoughts that Bokuto had blabbered out. "What about you? I don't know anything about you."</p><p>Akaashi flickered his eyes back down, shrugging. "There's nothing interesting about me, really..." he muttered, "It's getting late. I wanna go back to bed now," he said as he trashed the remaining Nanohana, washing up his utensils. He glanced back at Bokuto, who looked awkward and out of place. "That's my cue to leave...?" mutter Bokuto.</p><p>"You could stay over, if you'd like?" Akaashi asked, startling himself with his bold suggestion. Bokuto's eyes lit up, and he somehow reminded Akaashi of a Golden Retriever. "I can?" Shrugging, Akaashi nodded. How much harm would it be for Bokuto to stay over? It was just for one night.</p><p>"Yay!" Cheered Bokuto as he lunged his arms around Akaashi, who stiffened and gave an awkward pat on Bokuto's back. "Come on, let's get to bed," he said as he detached Bokuto's arms from him, mentally cursing himself for the blush that formed on his cheeks. Grinning, Bokuto waddled after him, launching himself onto Akaashi's bed. Akaashi gave a little giggle on seeing how Bokuto had curled up into his blanket. Upon sending a text to Kuroo, Bokuto placed his phone on the bedside table, before snuggling beside Akaashi. He felt the younger stiffen, before relaxing and allowing Bokuto's chest to press against his back.</p><p>"Goodnight, Akaashi," muttered Bokuto as he snaked his arms around the younger. <em>He's a cuddler, </em>noted Akaashi before he smiled, "Goodnight, Bokuto-san."</p><p>And this was the first time he had cracked a smile in months.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Suicide Hotlines:</p><p>Argentina: +5402234930430<br/>Australia: 131114<br/>Austria: 017133374<br/>Belgium: 106<br/>Botswana: 3911270<br/>Brazil: 212339191<br/>Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)<br/>China: 85223820000<br/>Croatia: 014833888<br/>Denmark: +4570201201<br/>Egypt: 7621602<br/>Finland: 040-5032199<br/>France: 0145394000<br/>Germany: 08001810771<br/>Holland: 09000767<br/>India: 8888817666<br/>Ireland: +4408457909090<br/>Italy: 800860022<br/>Japan: +810352869090<br/>Mexico: 5255102550<br/>New Zealand: 045861048<br/>Norway: +4781533300<br/>Philippines: 028969191<br/>Poland: 5270000<br/>Russia: 0078202577577<br/>Spain: 914590050<br/>South Africa: 0514445691<br/>Sweden: 46317112400<br/>Switzerland: 143<br/>United Kingdom: 08457909090<br/>USA: 18002738255</p><p>i haven’t proof read this btw</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>no trigger warnings either !! but there’s some forms of emotional abuse near the start of the chapter though soo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Recommendation: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/0qkkoL0bQBBWe4JU1NWcYt?si=WEIq1Wc2SHKAg80aIuqx9g">Sad Eyes by James Arthur</a></p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?” </p><p>On hearing the familiar voice, Akaashi had sprung up, seeing Daisuke by the door, rage evident in his eyes. Akaashi quickly rolled out of his bed, while Daisuke walked towards Akaashi, the anger in his eyes making Akaashi tremble in fear. As Daisuke advanced towards him, Akaashi found his back pressed against the wall, Daisuke towering over Akaashi, the latter’s eyes wide in fear.</p><p>“You fucking slut, you have a boyfriend yet you’re still in bed with another man?” growled Daisuke as Akaashi gulped, feeling his perspiration trickle down his neck. </p><p>“Akaashi?” Groaned Bokuto as he rolled over, attempting to hug Akaashi but realising that his side of the bed was now empty. He peeled his eyes open, whipping his head around, seeing Akaashi trapped between Daisuke’s arms, Akaashi looking visibly uncomfortable and frightened. Suddenly, a surge of anger overtook him.</p><p>”What the fuck are you doing, you jerk?” Snarled Bokuto as he stood up, grabbing the collar of Daisuke’s shirt and flinging him off Akaashi.</p><p>”Shouldn’t I be asking you that, you whore? Sleeping with my boyfriend?” Snickered Daisuke as he picked himself up, dusting the particles off his shirt.</p><p>”Don’t go talking as if you even cared about Akaashi. Do you know how much pain you’ve put him through? I barely even know Akaashi yet I’ve already seen the amount of pain that he goes through because of you. You’re a pretty shitty boyfriend and I don’t know how Akaashi even kept up with you, because he definitely deserves much better than you. And you’re still here abusing him? You’re a horrible being and boyfriend, so fuck off. I don’t want to see you again. Stay away from Akaashi, you bastard.” Bokuto spat, this the first time he has been filled with so much anger in him. He didn’t even know why, but seeing the exact person who had put Akaashi in so much pain made him surge with anger.</p><p>”A little slut just like Keiji, huh?” Chuckled Daisuke, “I see then. I don’t want to get my hands dirty fighting a whorelike you. You can continue banging my boyfriend, oops, I meant ex boyfriend, if you’d like. Though I don’t see how that depressed ass would be any good in bed, other than being a cock sucker.” An invitational smirk was plastered on Daisuke’s face as Bokuto took a deep breath, doing all he could to stop himself from pouncing on Daisuke right that second.</p><p>Yet, he found himself dashing towards Daisuke, his fist landing a blow on Daisuke’s face as he stumbled back, clutching his jaw, eyes wide in shock. Akaashi let out a gasp of surprise, he hadn’t expected Bokuto to actually show any form of violence, simply because it didn’t fit his personality at all. Hurrying front, he gave a small tug at Bokuto’s sleeve, hoping that Bokuto would take the hint and back off.</p><p>Seeing the fear in Akaashi’s eyes, Bokuto strided towards the door, opening it as an invitation for Daisuke to get out. With a final glare at Bokuto, he stomped out of Akaashi’s apartment, his hand still clutching his jaw. Letting out a sigh of relief at Daisuke’s absence, Bokuto turned his attention back to Akaashi.</p><p>He let a yelp of shock as Akaashi crumbled down onto the floor. Running over to Akaashi, he could see tears streaming down the younger’s face. Settling down beside him, Bokuto clutched Akaashi’s hands, tracing circles on his palm.</p><p>”Hey, it’s alright, he’s gone. You don’t have to worry about him anymore,” Bokuto comforted. Salty drops fall from Akaashi’s chin, drenching his shirt. “You’re alright,” hushed Bokuto as he took ahold of Akaashi’s shoulders, pulling him closer so Akaashi could bury his face in Bokuto’s chest.</p><p>Akaashi sobbed into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching the hem of his shirt. Bokuto held him in silence, rocking him slowly as Akaashi’s tears soaked his chest. A tiny lapse allowed him to pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapsed again, his sobs of misery worsening. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling him back into the outstretched arms of his grief.</p><p>Somehow, Bokuto had a way of reaching into his hollowness as Akaashi blinked briny tears from his bloodshot eyes, his lashes getting stuck together in clumps. His tears made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his stubbled, wobbling chin. Clear watery snot streaked from his flaring nostrils down his red mottled skin to his open quivering lips. His hands open and closed, rhythmically clenching as he tugged against Bokuto’s shirt. </p><p>“Thank you,” Akaashi hiccuped as Bokuto lightly pushed Akaashi away, separating the pair. One of his hand clutched Akaashi’s shoulder while the other one cupped around the younger’s face. He lifted Akaashi’s chin, allowing them to make eye contact as his thumb swiped away the tears on Akaashi’s face.</p><p>”You’re still very, very pretty when you cry, Akaashi,” commented Bokuto as he gently wiped the final tear off Akaashi’s face. Akaashi felt his face flush, whether it’s from Bokuto’s comment, or his feather like touch, Akaashi had no idea. But there’s one thing he knew for sure - Bokuto had some kind of hypnotic magic that drew Akaashi to him.</p><p>
  <strong>⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯</strong>
</p><p>“Iwa-chan, commercial break please,” groaned Oikawa as Iwaizumi glanced up at him before proceeding to detach his lips from Oikawa’s thighs. </p><p>“Why? Are you okay?” Iwaizumi asked, eyebrows furrowed in worry.</p><p>“No, no, I’m fine! But Kou-chan messaged, and he never does unless it’s something about Keiji-chan,” said Oikawa as he took his phone from the bedside table. He felt a weight shift beside him as Iwaizumi climbed over to his left. Unlocking his phone, he opened Bokuto's text.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">bokuto</span>
</p><p>bokuto: Oikawa!!</p><p>oikawa: kou-chan~ (^０^)ノ</p><p>bokuto: I cnt go ovr to Akaashi’s place tday, so mayb u cld go ovr w Sugawara?</p><p>oikawa: ah, why is that so? ( ≧Д≦) but koushi is in miyagi, so he can't visit ( Ĭ ^ Ĭ )</p><p>bokuto: Aw :( mayb u cld go!!</p><p>oikawa: u think he’ll let me in? (″ロ゛)</p><p>bokuto: Jst try!! Idt hes mad at u anym tho so he prob wld! It’s been nearly a wk since ur fight anyways!</p><p>oikawa: okay, thank you kou-chan (*´▽`*) i’ll see u tmr~ (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ </p><p>bokuto: goodnight, Oikawa!! </p><p> </p><p>"I have to go," Oikawa muttered, grabbing his clothes from the floor and putting them on in a hurry. As he stood up, Iwaizumi grasped his wrist, tugging him back down as Oikawa let out a yelp before landing on Iwaizumi's lap. He saw the hint of worry in Iwaizumi's eyes as Oikawa sighed, positioning himself so he was properly facing Iwaizumi.</p><p>"You can't always be taking care of Akaashi, Tooru. You have to focus on yourself sometimes. Your own mental health is declining every day. You can't always be worrying about Akaashi. Admit it, you're in an equally bad state as him," muttered Iwaizumi as he clutched Oikawa's hands, staring deep into Oikawa's soul, as if hoping that'll convince him to stay, "Can't you ask Sugawara to go this time?"</p><p>"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine," whispered Oikawa as he planted a kiss on the corner of Iwaizumi's lips, "Koushi's not in town now. He went to Miyagi to visit his parents." Oikawa let out a sigh, avoiding eye contact with Iwaizumi, "I'm sorry, Hajime. But I have to do this. Keiji's like a brother to me, I can't afford to lose him... if I did, I might actually lose my sanity. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Oikawa smiled as he stood back up, "Sorry for leaving you in... this state," he smirked as he glanced down, before letting out a small bark, "Bye, Iwa-chan."</p><p>He heard Iwaizumi let out a huff of frustration before bidding goodbye to Oikawa, as the latter gave a wave to Iwaizumi before rushing off. He set off at a brisk walk at first, but realising the time, he broke out into a slow jog. "The things I do for Keiji, I swear," he muttered, sprinting to Akaashi's apartment block, "If he still chases me out after knowing I ran all the way here, I might just kill a bitch," he chuckled to himself, before frowning. Remembering their last conversation, he realised that there was a high chance that Akaashi wouldn't let him in, but there was no one else to call. He couldn't ask Suga to suddenly come back, especially since he's seemed to be enjoying himself with his boyfriend. Oikawa smiled at that thought, thankful that his best friend had such a reliable partner. When Suga first introduced himself to Daichi, he had doubts. Daichi seemed awfully too serious for him to be able to deal with the sass that Suga possessed. But Daichi had soon proven to be worthy of Suga's love when he had not only protected Suga, but also Oikawa from a couple of perverts. The both of them happened to walk past the shop that Daichi was working at, and the moment Daichi had seen one of the guys trying to make a move on Oikawa, he had lept out to fight against them.</p><p>His heart warming at the memory, he entered the apartment complex before heading up to the fifth floor, where Akaashi lived. There were only two apartments on each level, considering that that apartment block was a rather small one. Akaashi had chosen it due to its low price, whereas Suga and Oikawa had chosen the larger one on the other side of the campus for a slightly higher price. Nothing the both of them couldn't afford though, considering that they were both models and rather successful ones at that. Both of them didn't have that many shoots to make them millionaires, but it was more than enough for a college student to get by. </p><p>Focusing back on his current goal, Oikawa hesitantly knocked on the door. He heard some scrambling coming from inside the apartment before Akaashi had opened the door.</p><p>"Hello, Keiji-chan," he greeted as he invited himself in, settling on the sofa. Akaashi looked momentarily confused before he closed the door, turning back to Oikawa. "Kou-chan is busy today. Work, apparently. Koushi's in Miyagi. I don't care if you're angry at me, but at least let me stay here."</p><p>"Why would I be mad at you? If anything, I'm surprised you aren't mad at me," shrugged Akaashi, "I did scream at you the last time we met." </p><p>"Ah, Keiji-chan feels guilty~ Don't worry, I can never be mad at you!" Oikawa cooed as he pinched Akaashi's cheeks, receiving a glare from Akaashi in return, "So, Kei-chan, what have you and Bokuto been up to? Since he was basically glued to your side for the past week~” teased Oikawa, getting more comfortable in his seat now. Akaashi laid down on his bed, shrugging, "Nothing much. I did learn a lot about him though. He's talkative as fuck. And he’s like. Strangely obsessed with owls. And Disney movies. He's been trying to convince me to watch one, but I've been refusing his offer. He's a cuddler too. And amazingly good at hugs. He's somehow very blunt with compliments. I can't count the number of times he called me pretty," Akaashi pinched the bridge of his nose, "He has a best friend called Kuroo, who has a boyfriend called Kenma. One's in Chemistry major, the other in Computer Engineering. I'm going to assume you know them, considering you somehow know everyone in school."</p><p>"Ah, Rooster-chan. I've had the pleasure of meeting him twice, and it wasn't exactly a fun experience," Oikawa laughed awkwardly, "He somehow seems to be the over-analytical type who would just scrutinise and observe you, no matter how complex you were. I kinda had a feeling that from the moment he met me, he already knew what kinda guy I was. He's a smart one, really. Which makes me uncomfortable, but I'm sure he's not a bad person. If Kou-chan is best friends with him, he mustn't be evil or anything. Just annoying," shrugged Oikawa, "Anyways, I'm tired," he yawned, standing up to stretch before tumbling onto the bed beside Akaashi.</p><p>"Hey, who said you could get in bed with me?" Akaashi snickered as Oikawa pouted, trying to fake a face of disappointment, "So Kou-chan can get into bed with you from the moment he's met you, but me, who's known you for nearly two years, can't? You wound me, Keiji."</p><p>Akaashi let out a laugh before extending his arms, allowing Oikawa to crawl into them. "I'm just kidding, Oikawa," he cooed, "Hopefully Iwaizumi-san won't get too jealous if he finds out we've been sleeping together though." </p><p>Letting out a laugh, Oikawa snaked his arms around Akaashi, "Just two bros cuddling, that's it. Strictly heterosexual feelings only." </p><p>With a smile on his face, Akaashi dozed off to sleep, dreaming of a certain white-haired man.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Suicide Hotlines:</p><p>Argentina: +5402234930430<br/>Australia: 131114<br/>Austria: 017133374<br/>Belgium: 106<br/>Botswana: 3911270<br/>Brazil: 212339191<br/>Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)<br/>China: 85223820000<br/>Croatia: 014833888<br/>Denmark: +4570201201<br/>Egypt: 7621602<br/>Finland: 040-5032199<br/>France: 0145394000<br/>Germany: 08001810771<br/>Holland: 09000767<br/>India: 8888817666<br/>Ireland: +4408457909090<br/>Italy: 800860022<br/>Japan: +810352869090<br/>Mexico: 5255102550<br/>New Zealand: 045861048<br/>Norway: +4781533300<br/>Philippines: 028969191<br/>Poland: 5270000<br/>Russia: 0078202577577<br/>Spain: 914590050<br/>South Africa: 0514445691<br/>Sweden: 46317112400<br/>Switzerland: 143<br/>United Kingdom: 08457909090<br/>USA: 18002738255</p><p>daisuke is a dick , i know</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>( ! ) trigger warnings: mentions of suicide ; panic attack ; self harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Recommendation: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/6TqjpahNKFRS0XZ8L8MJYX?si=zyageiJsSzCKgJ78lqBxgA">KEEP BREATHING by Darko</a></p><p> </p><p>"Morning," called Akaashi as he groaned, making his way to the dining table. The moment he slid into his seat, he's served with an enormous platter of food. Eggs, ham, piles of fried potatoes. A tureen of fruit sits in ice to keep it chilled. A basket of rolls that could probably last him for a week, or maybe even two. There's even an elegant glass of orange juice placed before him.</p><p>"Both you and I know that this is too much for me to finish, Oikawa," Akaashi sighed as he took a sip from the orange juice, cringing and the sour taste. Oikawa shrugged, slipping into the seat opposite of him. He grinned as Akaashi nibbled on a piece of bread roll, as the older took an apple and bit into it, some of the juice splattering out from the crunchiness of the fruit. Oikawa had a sort of glint in his eyes as Akaashi internally groaned, not looking forward to the question that awaited him.</p><p>"So... you and Kou-chan?" Smirked Oikawa as Akaashi rolled his eyes, grabbing an orange from the bowl and flinging it at Oikawa. The latter swiftly caught the fruit in one hand as he placed it back into the tureen.</p><p>"So?" Oikawa urged as Akaashi pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing, "There's nothing going on. Plus, I just broke up with my boyfr- ex boyfriend a few days ago, isn't it too much for me to be liking someone else that quickly?"</p><p>"Seems alright to me," shrugged Oikawa, "It wasn't as if the two of you were really committed to your relationship either. Who knows, he probably fucked around with other guys, or girls, when he was still dating you." Seeing the frown on Akaashi's face, Oikawa paused," Anyways, Kou-chan is a good guy. I don't see any problem in you having a crush on him. If I wasn't dating Iwa-chan, I'd totally smash him. Hm, maybe Iwa-chan is down for a threesome with Kou-chan. He is attractive after all.... I should ask them...."</p><p>"Oi," Akaashi muttered as Oikawa smiled in triumph, "So you are jealous huh? Proves my point," giggled Oikawa, "He seems to like you too-" Akaashi gave him a pointed glare "-No, you are not arguing me on that one. I'm amazingly good at spotting out people's crushes. Like Tendou and Ushiwaka. Or even Matsukawa and Hanamaki. And Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan. I even knew Kenma and Rooster-chan was dating since I met them. Point is, I'm wonderful at detecting the campus couples. And I just say, you two seem to be interested in each other. I know you have doubts, but Bokuto's a good guy. Give him a chan-"</p><p>Oikawa got cut off by the slamming open of the door. "Hey hey hey! I just invited myself in, I hope that's alright with you!" Bokuto exclaimed, making his grand entrance through the front door.</p><p>"Huh, you even gave him the password to your front door," Oikawa whispered, wiggling his eyebrows at Akaashi. Akaashi gave him a look before Oikawa smirked, standing up, "Why, since you're here, I think I should head back. I have something to be done," grinned Oikawa as he grabbed his coat, "Take good care of Keiji-chan please! I'll see both of you in school tomorrow!" And with a final wave to Akaashi and Bokuto, Oikawa had set off, grinning to himself.</p><p>"Bokuto-san," Akaashi said awkwardly, scratching his nape as he waved awkwardly at the seat in front of him, "Have you ate breakfast? If not, you can have some. I'm not really that hungry." Grinning, Bokuto settled down on the opposite of Akaashi, grabbing a piece of ham and shoving it into his mouth.</p><p>"I ate breakfast already, but doesn't hurt to go for a second round," he grinned, his voice coming out as a muffle from the food stuffed in his mouth, "Sorry. I had work yesterday, so I couldn't go over. There was a pair of kids that I had to babysit! Do you wanna see pictures of them?" Bokuto exclaimed after he had swallowed down his food. Giggling, Akaashi nodded as Bokuto whipped out his mobile phone, pressing a few buttons before shoving the phone under Akaashi's nose. The latter took it, scrolling through the multiple photos that Bokuto took of, or with, the two kids.</p><p>"This one is Makoto, and this one is Haruka. They're cute, aren't they?" Bokuto grinned, adoration evident in his eyes, "Oh, and there's a picture of Kuroo with the both of them. He accompanied me to babysit since he was bored. Not that I mind, it was so much more fun with him around. Though his jokes are too complex for the kids, or even me to understand," frowned Bokuto.</p><p>"Haruka looks like Kageyama," muttered Akaashi, as Bokuto looked up with shock, "You know Kageyama?" Bokuto yelled in surprise. Furrowing just eyebrows, Akaashi nodded, "Oikawa and Kageyama have some unknown rivalry between them. Iwaizumi adores Kageyama though. And so does Suga and Daichi."</p><p>"Oh, cool! I know Kageyama through Kenma, who knew him through Hinata. You know Hinata? Kageyama's boyfriend? The small, orange one?" Bokuto looked overly excited to be talking about Hinata, which somehow made Akaashi's stomach churn.</p><p>"Mhm. He's really loud. Sort of reminds me of you in a way," Akaashi shrugged, finishing up the last bite of his bread roll, "Seems like you two do get along huh?"</p><p>"Yea! Hinata's so cute, I love him!" Bokuto grinned as he took back his phone from a confused Akaashi. <em>Love? Like, LOVE love?</em> As if not realising Akaashi's internal conflict, Bokuto continued, "He's such a good friend. If Kageyama ever hurt him, it's on sight."</p><p>
  <em>Ah. He meant a friendly sort of love. Silly me. Why was I even concerned about that anyway? It means nothing to me.</em>
</p><p>"Also! I can't wait for the term to start. Can you believe that the break ends today? It seems like time passed so fast! But I can't wait for school either. Kuroo had called me weird, it I always look forward for school. It's so interesting! I'm not sure whether I'll do well as an elementary school teacher, but I hope I do! That's my dream job!"</p><p>
  <em>Huh... him working with kids. That would be cute. He's already attractive enough but with kids? It just doubles it... wait. What am I thinking?</em>
</p><p>"How about you, Akaashi? What do you want to do? I think you'll do well as a model. Your friends are models anyway, right? Does that mean you model too? Can I see the the pictures? You're so attractive, the pictures must have turned out well. Can I see them please? Pretty please?"</p><p>
  <em>Did he just call me attractive? </em>
</p><p>Akaashi felt his face heat up, being left dazed. Even when Bokuto waved a hand in front of his face, he couldn't respond due to his shock and embarrassment.</p><p>"Akaashi? Are you okay? Akaashi?? Oh my god I think he's dying, should I call the ambulance? What do I do??" Hearing the cries of Bokuto brought Akaashi back into reality as he blinked, "What?"</p><p>"Oh my gosh it's a ghost now. Akaashi became a ghost," wailed Bokuto. Not knowing what to do, the younger lightly slapped Bokuto, knocking him back into his senses. "I'm not a ghost, Bokuto-san. Anyways, well, I think you should go back and get ready for school tomorrow. Pack your bag, finish up your homework or whatever," Akaashi stammered.</p><p>"Oh," blinked Bokuto, "Then you should get ready for school too!"</p><p>"Ah, well.. about that. I wasn't planning on going back to school," Akaashi said awkwardly. Bokuto widened his eyes, yelling, "What? Why??" Akaashi scratched his nape, shrugging, "I don't know. Don't really feel like it, I guess."</p><p>He was lying. He knew exactly why. There wasn't a use for him to go to class, since he was probably going to end his life any day soon. It would just be a waste of time for him to go back, because why would it even matter in a few months? He was too exhausted to even muster the energy to get out of the house anyways, so he probably couldn't even last the entire day in school.</p><p>"What? Go for me, please?" Bokuto begged, showing his infamous puppy eyes as an attempt to convince Akaashi. Pressing his lips together, Akaashi shook his head, trying to ignore Bokuto.</p><p>He eventually failed, because after a few hours of Bokuto's begging and pleading, Akaashi found himself agreeing to go.</p><p>Oh god, he was surely going to regret this.</p><p>
  <strong>⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯</strong>
</p><p>He regretted it. He deeply regretted it. He forgot how exhausting school could be, it seemed as if all his energy was drained out as he collapsed onto his bed, unwilling to move an inch. School just seemed to take up too much energy of his - though seeing Bokuto during lunch significantly cheered him up. Somehow, the older managed to find him on the rooftop of the campus, woke him up from his nap, and dragged him to the cafeteria snd force fed him. Akaashi was slightly annoyed - because who even said he wanted to eat? He didn't even want to be in the canteen! But seeing the pure happiness in Bokuto's eyes had made him give in.</p><p>He felt sick. His stomach was churning. That's what he got from eating too much during lunch, I guess. It wasn't as if it was a lot, but for Akaashi's small appetite, anything more than a bowl of rice would be too much for him.</p><p>And there he was, bending over the toilet bowl, clutching his stomach. Gagging, he winced as he forced the substances out from his stomach as he scrunched his nose at the smell, falling back from the exhaustion. Panting, he forced himself up rinsing his mouth to get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth.</p><p>Looking up, he realised he was almost unrecognisable. His cheeks were sunken, dark circles below his eyes and bloodshot eyes. He had lost a significant amount of weight too, making him so thin to the point where it was concerning. Wiping the tears off his face, he flunked back down onto the floor, heaving.</p><p>Akaashi swallowed his heartbeat as he took inhaled, trying to steady his racing heart. His throat felt dry, and he suddenly had the urge to puke again. Crawling back to the toilet bowl, he vomited everything out as he fell backwards, trembling. His breath felt shallow and was let out in unsteady breaths and his heart was wild and unruly, hammering against his chest. He forced himself to repress his full body shudders as he pressed his forehead against his knees, feeling claustrophobic.</p><p>The ringing of his phone made he jump as he glanced at his phone, seeing the name 'Oikawa' appear. He ignored it, pressing his face further into his knees as he blinked, feeling his vision going blurry.</p><p>Breath. Everything is alright, you're okay, he tried to convince himself as he curled up, trying to calm his thundering heart. He inhaled a sharp breath and shut his eyes, unwilling to open them until his breath finally got steady as his heartbeat balanced. Finally dropping his knees and forcing open his eyes, he heaved a sigh as he glanced at his side, seeing his phone continuously ringing. Silencing it, he stood up, grabbing his blade before pressing his back against the wall before sliding down to the floor.</p><p>Wincing, the blade slid through his skin as the blood trickled off his thigh. He let out a sigh of satisfaction, somehow looking sadistic as he grinned at the blood stained floor. Dropping his arms to the floor, he somehow felt giddy and euphoric as he threw his head back, resting it against the wall. Call him insane or whatever, but seeing his blood stained floors and scarred thighs gave him a sense of peace. It sort of calmed him down, as odd as it sounded. It just became a coping mechanism for him, and it felt as if in that moment, all his emotional pain has transformed into physical pain, which in his opinion, was a much better choice.</p><p>Sighing, he felt the world spinning as his eyes fluttered shut, feeling himself drift off into a state of unconsciousness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Suicide Hotlines:</p><p>Argentina: +5402234930430<br/>Australia: 131114<br/>Austria: 017133374<br/>Belgium: 106<br/>Botswana: 3911270<br/>Brazil: 212339191<br/>Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)<br/>China: 85223820000<br/>Croatia: 014833888<br/>Denmark: +4570201201<br/>Egypt: 7621602<br/>Finland: 040-5032199<br/>France: 0145394000<br/>Germany: 08001810771<br/>Holland: 09000767<br/>India: 8888817666<br/>Ireland: +4408457909090<br/>Italy: 800860022<br/>Japan: +810352869090<br/>Mexico: 5255102550<br/>New Zealand: 045861048<br/>Norway: +4781533300<br/>Philippines: 028969191<br/>Poland: 5270000<br/>Russia: 0078202577577<br/>Spain: 914590050<br/>South Africa: 0514445691<br/>Sweden: 46317112400<br/>Switzerland: 143<br/>United Kingdom: 08457909090<br/>USA: 18002738255</p>
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